Sweet Charade
by prin69
Summary: Abby is sick of pretending with McGee. Luckily, her car knows the way to it all being okay. ... AbbyMcGee. AbbyGibbs.


**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or "Hate This Place" by the Goo Goo Dolls. Who, sadly, my obsession over them does not give me any rights except the right to gush over lyrics. Le sigh. Also, please note that this is not a song fic. I just used lyrics from the song to introduce the story and my muse ate them and spit them back at me to get me to write this story.**

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_"…I somehow doubt, we'll ever be the same, there's too much poison, and confusion on your face…you know I'm lost, hiding in your bed, no I don't think it's wrong, it's just gone to my head, can you feel it, I didn't mean it…tell me lies, that you know I need, hold on dreamaway, you're my sweet charade…"  
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_We're in a fight again._

_No surprise there, of course._

_And how did it start?_

_Gibbs._

_Again. No surprise._

_And whose fault?_

_Mine of course._

_Not that I would ever admit that to Tim. It's one of our rules. I'm wrong but it's never said out loud. He says sorry or we just brush over it. And it works. Except I can see when I look at him that anger is building inside and a few more slips from me and it will turn into resentment._

I grab my coat and slip my arms through it. Pick up my purse and leave work.

_He'll transfer out. We'll get someone new. And I'll start my cycle of dating all over with someone else from one of the teams._

_Only this time I'll feel guilt and miss the boy I shattered. Because I do care about this boy. And I was not going to do anything about it. But then I thought maybe, maybe, Tim was going to be good for me. Finally get my head out of my fantasies. Love me enough to make me love him. Want me enough. Need me enough._

_I do need Tim. Just not in the way that he wants me to._

_He's like my best friend. Some strange kid you meet at summer camp and like so much that you stay in contact online. But then when you meet up with the guy at the mall he's not how you remember him and everything is wrong and off. So you block him online and never think of him again._

_Only I can never forget Tim._

_We're friends and I can't lose that. But if ditch the romantic part I know we can never be friends. He told me once he was okay with staying friends with an ex-girlfriend. I just learned over and kissed him as I thought he could never do it. He's just not the type. Is anyone the type, though?_

So here I am driving to his place to ring the bell and stand there and wait for him to let me in.

_If he's still mad, which he will be, he's make me wait a few minutes. Make me think that he's not home and off with another girl. Or is home and doesn't want to talk to me. But then he will start to feel bad and grab a blanket on the way to the door, let me in, drape the blanket over me, and run off to the kitchen to get me a drink. He'll come back, hand me the glass, lead me back to the couch, and say sorry for taking so long._

_We'll sit in silence. He's start to say sorry and either get the words out or stumble so much that he'll just stop. Either way an awkward silence will follow._

_We'll end up in his bed having sex._

_And then, in my sleep, I call out Gibbs' name. I know I will because I'll wake during the dream from Tim slamming the door to the bedroom closed as he leaves to go type on his typewriter._

_I'll sit up. Stare at the wall. And remember the dream._

_And then that Gibbs is my boss and I'm sitting naked in my boyfriend's bed._

_A boyfriend that loves me._

_A boyfriend that I don't want._

_But I can't exactly throw him away. During the day he's my friend. And I adore him. So when I go to my house I try to shut off that part of him. And picture Tim as some guy I met at a party. He's mysterious and has tattoos and drinks and is Goth and…and…and then I remember it's Tim and have to try all over again to strike a passion for him._

_It's not fair to him._

_I need him. I need what he can give me._

_But I want Gibbs._

_And he knows it. He's just staying because he hopes I can learn to love him instead. But I won't. And he knows that too._

And so this time I don't go to his door. I stop the car once I get to his house. And I'm just sitting here in the car thinking about him and me and Gibbs. And how I messed this all up. And if it's this broken what's wrong with breaking it all a little bit more?

I glance up as I see light spill onto the street. McGee is standing in his doorway; he begins to walk toward me.

I push my foot onto the pedal and speed away. Leaving him.

Leaving us?

I steal glances at my purse as I drive. My cell phone is in it, and it doesn't ring. I'm almost mad at him for not calling. But if he did call I wouldn't know what to say. I'd probably throw the phone out the window then go to a club.

The car stops and I look up at the house before me, surprised. I didn't know I was actually driving to a destination.

I suck in air, and force myself out of the car, slamming the door shut behind me.

I'm sick of pretending.

I ring his bell.

He opens the door, wide awake.

"Abby."

And there it is. That's why I love him.

The way he says my name. Not surprised to see me. Not asking me to explain why I'm at his door in the middle of the night. Not sad, mad, accusing. Just stating that I'm here.

He backs away, I walk in.

The door closes and I can feel his stare on my back.

"Gibbs…."

But I don't need to do more with him.

And he's turned me around.

Because he gets me too.

And his lips are already on my own.


End file.
